The Border

Consider this a thesis in understanding oneself.

Yes, a thesis. This is where you stop reading, click on one of the links on the side, say what the fuck, and leave.

Still there? Well on your own head be it.

Some people like being heroic. Some people like being villainous. Some funny. Some serious. Some are just parrots who imitate whoever they meet. Some like being nice. Some like being rude. Some enjoy modesty. Others revel boasting.

I like being-on-the-border.

Well, maybe 'like' isn't the right word. There really is no word for it - it isn't compulsion, it isn't 'external forces' or any such shit. I don't love it or hate it.

I just am.

So, on-the-border is this place where you always want to politically incorrect, but never quite are. You are smiling at a person and bitching about them in your head - at the same time there's this other part of you which keeps reminding you that you are, actually, rather fond of them. The border is the limit - beyond which there's neither pain nor pleasure, nor any real reason for being.

It's not diplomacy, don't get me wrong. Diplomacy is that necessary evil perfected by some cunning few. I'm not a diplomat. I'm the girl who 'resigned' from the post of a placement-cell rep back in college - where my 2 page resignation letter had a 10 page attachment, it foul-mouthed quite a few 'people in power', and was distributed to no less than 20 people. No, I'm no diplomat. I like it upfront. I like telling people when they're fucking something up.

But then, I almost never go all out with the 'You're fucking it up' line.

[At this point, you realise that I'm just typing out words as I go along and don't really know what my exact point is. If you're still reading, let me tell you this - this is the exercise that arrives at that damn point. Which is the point.]

Let's put it this way. Let's say you've got this huge-ass wall that needs to be broken down.

In that situation, I will be the person who will play a part in deciding how the wall would be broken down, what equipments will be used, how many people would work on it, how much energy would go into it, at what time it will be done... I might even splash some water on the wall to make it easier to break it down.

But I wouldn't deliver the final blow. That's for someone else to do.

Yep.