Choices and consequences.

Technically, I should be in bed right now. Especially since I should be up early and going to work early, to finish off some work which should already have been done. It's not that I can't get sleep if I do try. The truth I think is that I'm screwed in the head - I'm an insomniac by choice.

Doesn't make sense? Don't try.

Yesterday (the day before technically but who cares), I had a conversation with a relative stranger and somehow the talk turned to choices. He says he's done many things that he hasn't wanted to do, and I disagree. You always have a choice. Even at gun-point, you have the choice to die or do what the dude with the gun is asking you to do. And the very fact that you are at gun point is the result of several other choices you've made in life.

Except for those who cannot take their own decisions owing to mental or physical handicaps, the rest of us have no damn business complaining about the 'position I am in today'. If you're doing a course you don't want to, you should have made a wiser choice earlier. If you're in a job you don't like, you always have the choice to leave. If you are in a relationship that doesn't make you happy, you do have the choice to walk out.

The fuck up of course is that every choice comes with consequences. And that means your choice shows what consequences you're ready to deal with, and what you're not. You may have mis judged the outcome, you may have 'thought' you could deal with it - but at the end of the day, they're your decisions. Don't blame anyone else for it. Worse still, don't blame 'fate', just cos it's a figment of our collective imagination.

100

December 27, 2006: This blog was born.

This is the hundredth post.

And just before I opened my dashboard and realised that this was going to be my centurian post on this blog, there were a number of questions buzzing around in my head.

There was a fire once, burning somewhere inside and providing a direction of sorts. That fire is being doused out now. Even if it doesn't put out instantly, it's definitely starting to stop crackling. And if that happens for a long enough period of time, it'll die. For sure.

But then what?

What went wrong in evolution?

You know thw whole concept of getting high... whoever came up with the idea? Who figured out that that state of being is better than the others? And why did people then label it immoral and wrong? It's just something you consume after all - and even if it is unhealthy, that really is no reason to advocate something as wrong considering the amount of unhealthy stuff we consume otherwise...

So is the historical 'man' just afraid of pleasure?

Getting high is wrong. Sex is wrong. Too much laughter is wrong. Not working too hard is wrong. Heck, your deadly sins say everything you might enjoy doing is wrong.

Why?

Don't gimme religious shit. Gimme speculations - interesting ones. What went wrong in evolution?

Why I like today

It's been a long time since I lay in bed well past 12 noon, didn't step out of the house at all, lazed around and only lazed around, read a book, blogged (in process), and didn't take a bath till the time this post gets published.

When such days are in plenty, I don't really like them. I don't like any kind of days that are in plenty. I hate routine.

So yea, there's a silly smile on my face, I'm still in my pyjamas and will change into my pyjamas after a bath (bliss!) and will stay up late reading and browsing.

Hoping for more of these!

:)

After Death

It's crazy when you start thinking thinking, cos then you think a little too much. That's never very good, because if you go back and see, that was one of the prime reason's why so many religions started, and why we're so fu(ked up today.

In any case, everytime I think think, the question of existence haunts me. In the present, the question doesn't matter at all - you're doing what you're doing right now because you have to, and you are what you are, or what you think you are. When my mind isn't empty, I don't contemplate existence. What is there to worry about anyway hen so many billions of people are just living and continuing to live no matter what. The purpose must be to just live, isn't it, if so mant people do it everyday and make more little, irritating people who will continue to live and make more little, irritating people. So many billions can't be wrong, right?

But then when you start thinking thinking, you want to know why you're here, what happens after you're not here, would you not exist at all? Ever had that feeling where you're just thinking about what else you could have done in your childhood that you haven't done yet? And then you try to look into the future and inevitably see yourself not doing it till you die? And then you think about doing it after you die - which is where you get stuck. What after you die? Is it just that your body decomposes and becomes pig-poop? Then what happens to your mind that continuously thinks whether you're sleeping or you're awake? What happens to it when your body dies? Does it cease to exist, though you always feel that it's something that is right outside of you, and not really inside you? Doesn't your mind, in a sense, 'see' you, in which case either you exists inside you along with your mind at a higher altitude, or your mind exists right outside of you, at a higher altitude. Makes sense right? No? Whatever!

I am curious about it. There has to be a scientific explanation. We just haven't discovered it yet.

An auto-ride to remember

I had the most interesting auto ride of my life yesterday. On a different day, I might have found it creepy, might have even freaked out and jumped out or something knowing how paranoid I am. But yesterday was one of my less paranoid days. So this is what happened...

As Shim mole (now a Chennaiite!) and her mom were here and I made plans to meet them for dinner, I left office around 8.30. And since it's become a (bad) habit now, I took an auto. Actually, I didn't directly take an auto, I really thought of taking the bus, and walked almost till the bus stand when my resolve broke :P So there was this auto going on the road which I stopped, and the driver looked a little like one of those fake sadhus, in khaki instead of saffron. He had a small bun-kinda thing on top of his head, and a long and shaggy beard. I got in, and the road, as always, had a BAD traffic jam.

"This traffic is mad," he started. And I told him it was one crazy road, which has a jam at all hours of the day. "Oh no," said our man (let's call him Drive D to make things simpler.) "This road is crazier than that. It has traffic at all time except when people are actually going to work. It's all because our society has changed today..."

Society? Damn, what's he getting at? But Drive D went on about how he does 'meditation' and that all the problems in the world are because of the heat. About how the climates are changing and our eating patterns are changing, and that's causing a lot of health issues. And I really don't know how, but our conversation turned to sex.

"You know, I don't have a wife," said Drive D, and I nodded. [Looking back, it's like a scene from the films, what with us looking at each other through the rearview mirror, and having this totally absurd conversation.] Where were we? The wife, yes. So, yeah, Drive D explained in not too much detail this one night that he took a girl (prostitute) home, after a couple of hard drinks. And the next morning, he couldn't move his limbs. "Suddenly I had become my 70 year old aaya, and I was ashamed of myself for getting an old woman's disease. The doctors told me I had chickungunya, and after 7 days of eating chicken soup and medicines, I felt better," said Drive D. Our man apparently has been 'meditating' since he was 15, and since he couldn't find himself a guru, he became his own guru. "I observe things around me and learn. And please don't look at my beard and think I'm into that kind of meditation - it's just because it's difficult to maintain a clean shaven look! I don't want to waste money on cutting my hair when there are so many other things I can do with that money," he said.

So we went on talking, and he told me how women today are so much better than probably ten years ago, when if he had even tried to talk to them, they'd run away. We talked about MGR and his movies, Jayalalitha and how she loves sex (and Sasikala found about about Jaya's sex cravings and that's how she got her wrapped around her little finger), and Drive D's own 'doing things' since he was '10 or 12'. "Doing what?" I asked the rather dumb question. "Indha sex ellam..." said Drive D.

And as we went on talking, I got advice from him too. "Marriage is a complete and total waste of time and energy. I'm not planning to get married - I'm going to enjoy life. There are plenty of things to do and plenty of people around. If you ask me, getting married before experiencing things in life (anubavichittu) is stupid. Take my advice, if you ever get married also, ellam anubhavichittu get married. You'll be wasting your life otherwise."

Wow.

The destination arrived. I got down, payed him his due. He left, I went on to have dinner. But this is one conversation I will never forget.

1:28 am, Tuesday

I wrote something. And then I deleted it. Some other time...

It's raining like crazy. Its a very nice whether outside and I totally hate it right now :P

I Rediscovered wikipedia (;))

I want to start working on my plot to take over the world all over again.

All the previous sentences started with I.

I'm self obsessed.

I wanna eat Pasta.

I want to start working on my plot to take over the world all over again.

I repeated that sentence.